How then can this book be anything but a waste of time?
Legends and Lairs, Twisted Lore by Fantasy Flight Games
is a short book; shorter even than most modern adventure paths as it clocks in
at a measly 62 pages. The book is focused on aberrations, oozes, and
shape-changers which should excuse its brevity under normal circumstances, but
this is a Third Edition product. Third Edition products are gluttons filling
their pages with needless rules, superfluous text, and countless variations on
the standard themes with a key eye on the repetition of trite, unoriginal
monsters.
How then can this book be anything but a waste of time?
Before we can answer that question we must first
understand what they mean by aberrations, oozes, and shape-changers:
. . . An aberration is a creature with either a bizarre
anatomy, strange abilities, an alien mindset, or any combination of the three
traits . . .
. . . [A shape-changer] has a stable body but can assume
other forms . . .
. . . An ooze is an amorphous or mutable creature . . .
(Twisted Lore pg. 2)
In addition to the three basic categories of monsters
presented in this book there are an additional five types of monsters that this
book was designed around: Grudge Monsters, Chase Monsters, Terrain Monsters,
Plot Monsters, and Puzzle Monsters. Each type of monster was designed with a
specific purpose in mind. For example, Grudge Monsters are designed to hurt
your players and to have long term effects both mechanically and through the
continuation of the story beyond that encounter. I really like that Fantasy Flight Games have
set out to create a book that actually possesses a potential beyond the
standard, or even the very complex, encounter.
Since this book wasn’t made by AEG it might actually have
a chance of succeeding in its goals.
The Monsters
The
Bloodgnarl
Tree (pg 4 – 5) is a good addition to any campaign looking to find a new
way to shake up the players’ confidence. It is a smart creature that actively
bates its victim – a rare commodity in most monsters. The picture for the Bloodgnarl is a bit of a crap fest to
be honest. I wish that they had been able to get someone like
Brom or
Sam Keith to do this picture. Either
of those guys could have done it justice without turning it into the heavy
handed affair that Patricio Soler fell into. The lines are too thick and the
overall impression given is of a really piss-poor imitation of
Rob Liefeld.
The
Curtain
Crawler (pg. 5 – 6) is a waste of time and money as the concept behind the
creature is a bit trite and the entry is poorly executed. That doesn’t mean
that I don’t like ambush predators, but this is so lackluster that hardly feels
like it should have been included in the book. It seems that the artist
assigned to it agreed as they didn’t draw a creature that resembled anything
like the one designed and instead drew an
H.R
Giger knockoff.
I like the idea of a Dopple
Steed (pg. 6 – 7) but find the execution lacking. At the same time as it is
entirely too powerful in certain regards it is too weak others, leaving you
with the understanding that this was the pet project of one of the authors and
they were bound and determined to have it be canon somewhere so that they might
actually get to play with the thing. The illustration with this picture is so
bad that I’m ashamed for the artist and cannot believe that anyone would
willingly publish this picture.
On the one hand they can be a fantastic elder
race in the vein of H.P. Lovecraft, but on the other hand, they require a lot
of freaking work
The
Face Hunter
(pg. 8 – 9) is a well thought out concept with a shitty illustration. The
concept is of a creature that rarely fights and only lives by slipping from one
disguise to the next, never leaving its “disguise” alive so that it might be
caught, is brilliant. I am absolutely in love with the concept and can’t wait
to sneak this little villain into one of my campaigns. That said the
illustration is a second rate imitation of Brom focusing on the more barbaric
elements of the creature without focusing on the actual description. The Face
Hunter should be a small, wormy creature that could easily find a place to
occupy within a civilized setting – not a massive barbarian who could make even
Arnold Schwarzenegger wonder if
the guy’s been hitting the gym too much.
The Feign Beast
(pg. 9 – 10) is a perfect ambush predator. The concept is well done, the game
mechanics are well thought out, and the illustration evokes the right notes. I
am going to be using this creature the next time my players forget to prepare
for the long haul in the wilderness and have to go hunting for grub.
Glut Snails
(pg. 11 – 12) are a mixed bag. On the one hand they can be a fantastic elder
race in the vein of H.P. Lovecraft, but on the other hand, they require a lot
of freaking work. Their entry is poorly written and confused; and their
abilities feel tacked on and incomplete for a creature with such potential. My
only advice is to use the creature in a way that makes sense to you and clean
it up. Oh, and the illustration is about a billion times better than the
description.
The
Gorger
(pg. 12 – 13) and its
Larva (pg. 13
- 14) are fucking pointless. Use a
Carrion Crawler instead and
have a creature that is worth a fuck.
The Greater
Lycanthropes (pg. 14 – 16) are a mostly pointless retooling of the
Lycanthrope. The challenge ratings are not that much improved and the template
abilities are either pointless or so over powered that it makes you wonder if
there was a Dungeon Master out there just trying to justify his most recent
Total Party Kill (T.P.K.) by arguing that they were really just fighting an
ancient variant of the normal creature.
I’ve used the Guardian
Ooze (pg. 17 – 18) on multiple occasions in my campaigns. It’s a pretty
cool little creature that can be an interesting addition to the campaign,
especially when you give it to the villain.
I’m
telling you that this is a great way to take a wizard who’s becoming way too
powerful and give him more power while pumping him up with a malicious little
symbiote that thinks every bad, evil, vile deed that crosses the wizard’s mind
is an outstanding plan of action.
The Husk (pg.
18 – 19) is kind of a niche creature. For the most part it seems as though
working it into your campaign wouldn’t have that grate of a reward. But I can’t
really fault it’s concept or execution.
I can’t think of a time that I would use the Lurcher (pg. 20 – 21). Unlike previous
entries in the book this creature is without a narrative and comes across as a
page filler rather than a well-executed monstrous entry.
The Mana Symbiote
(pg. 21 – 23) was clearly created after someone watched way too much Vampire
Hunter D. Now I’m not saying don’t use this little bastard, far from it. I’m
telling you that this is a great way to take a wizard who’s becoming way too
powerful and give him more power while pumping him up with a malicious little
symbiote that thinks every bad, evil, vile deed that crosses the wizard’s mind
is an outstanding plan of action. This is the sort of thing I was hoping for
when I picked up this book.
Manglefolk
(pg. 24 – 25) are a classic example of a failed concept and poor execution. The
narrative for the creature tries so very hard to be scary and disturbing but
comes off like a third grader telling you about his nightmare.
I like the Mind
Rider (pg. 25 – 26) and could see it being used in my campaigns in a
variety of ways.
The Mind Steed
(pg. 26 – 28) is one of those creatures that I hated even before I read the
entry (it’s the name if you must know). But once I read the entry I hated it
even more. The concept is dull and its execution is poor. Fuck this creature.
You’re all crap and I hate that I wasted my time
reading your entries.
Ooze Queen
(pg. 28 -30) are another mixed bag. On the one hand you have an unfathomably
old ooze with tons of treasure waiting in her gullet; and in the other hand,
you have an intelligent ooze that can cast magical spells and communicate with
your players telepathically that really doesn’t jive with how I want to run the
creatures.
Your call on if you find that cool or not.
I hate the Ooze
Sentry (pg. 30 – 31), the Ooze
Swallower (pg. 31 – 32), the Pain
Wasp (pg. 32 – 33), and the Phantasmal
Jelly (pg. 33 – 34). You’re all crap and I hate that I wasted my time
reading your entries.
By contrast to that shit fest above the Poltergeist Worm (pg. 35 - 36) is a
blast. This thing has an attitude like a cross between a beholder and an
aboleth. It’s really quite powerful and I would just love to drop this bastard
into a long-term campaign as a major villain in the Underdark.
The
Sailor’s Bane
(pg. 36 - 38) is one of those odd creatures that is really appealing but you
can’t ever imagine a scenario where you would make use of them. I mean if I ran
campaigns like
Iomandra
where my players are constantly at sea this would make a fine addition to the
mix, but I rarely run adventures near the sea; and my players, nearly all being
mountain born and bred, tend to view bodies of water so large with a natural
suspicion. No, it’s a good creature and well executed, but worthless for my
needs.
The Silent
Snatcher (pg. 38 – 40), by contrast, is a creature that I could regularly
use in any campaign. It could blend in perfectly with a city, wilderness, or
dungeon environment. It requires little additional work to make it serviceable
in any of those areas and it has the best artwork in the book. Whoever came up
with this creature, my hat is off to you sir. Well done.
The
Sky Whale
(pg. 43 – 45) is a serviceable creature that has been done
before. Which is fine as
these guys did so before Dr. Who so who minds it too much. Anyway, I like the
concept of a sky whale just as I like the concept of an
atmospheric beast
that floats through the sky. There’s no way that I could give you a reasonable
explanation for how either would be able to fly let alone find a sustainable
food source, but I like them nonetheless.
It’s like someone had been watching a bunch of Troma films and though, “Huh, I bet that would
make a good Dungeons and Dragons monster.”
You thought fucking wrong.
The Sound Devourer
(pg. 45 – 47) is a bit of a daft concept that if you’re desperate might be
salvageable. I’m not that devoid of ideas yet in my campaigns so I’ll move on.
The Steel Ooze (pg 47 – 48) is a
needless addition to the ooze family. By contrast the Vile (pg. 48 – 50) has more effort put into its description and
abilities than most of the creatures in this book – unfortunately all that
means is you get to wade through two pages of wasted text. It is the sort of
creature you throw in for a jump scare and to punish your players when you’ve
run out of challenges for a 14th level party.
The Waywatcher
(pg. 51 – 52) is another service creature in the same mode as the Sky Whale (pg 43 – 45) and Guardian Ooze (pg. 17 – 18). It
provides the player with a neat companion that can do more than just take up
space. I don’t know that any of my players would be interested in using it
because of its grotesque appearance, but it’s something that I would like to
test out.
Finally we come to the
Yeoman Jelly (pg. 52 – 53). I cannot express how much I hate this
creature. It’s like someone had been watching a bunch of
Troma films and though, “Huh, I bet that would
make a good Dungeons and Dragons monster.”
You thought fucking wrong.
Appendix: Templates
The
Swarm Drone
(pg. 54 – 57) is an interesting template. It has heavy influences from sources
such as the Tyranids but it comes up short. It would have been far better had
the author drawn from
M. John Harrison’s
Viriconium and the Locust that populate the stories there.
Instead there’s a heavy handed narrative that could provide you with a single
use, maybe a double use if you’re lucky. But if you tweak it you could expand
its influence exponentially.
I’m not a fan of the Alternate Lycanthropes
(pg. 57 -62) that are proposed in the index either. They shouldn’t be here and
should be included in the proper monster entries above. It’s an odd move to
place them here.
The Skirr (pg. 40 – 42)
People hate bugs and the bigger
the bug the more they hate it.
The Skirr are designed as the only playable race in
Twisted Lore. As such you would expect that they are given a fairly detailed description
with an eye towards integrating them into your campaign worlds without causing
the Dungeon Master a conniption fit. In this you would be wrong.
The Skirr is an aberration that begins life as a male and
soon – if they’re fucking lucky – transform into a fully sentient female. Which
is an odd turn. The implication is that the males are somehow not sentient and
yet sentient. That’s like saying that you are a black man and not a black man.
You either are, or are not.
So that’s a bit difficult.
The biological processes involved in the Skirr evolution
is a bit of a stretch though it’s clear that the creatures are based, at least
in part, with a nod toward the honey bee. The terminology is similar though the
biological roles are reversed.
Now all that aside it should be easy to work such a
creature into your game – until you begin to ask yourself how would a bipedal, beetle,
with huge fuck-off wings that doesn’t wear clothing yet has all the normal
human female extremities be able to function in a world where people wear
clothes and run from scary monsters?
The answer is it doesn’t. People hate bugs and the bigger
the bug the more they hate it. So how does that big fucker survive?
Legends and Lairs, Twisted Lore by Fantasy Flight Games
is a short book; shorter even than most modern adventure paths as it clocks in
at a measly 62 pages. The book is focused on aberrations, oozes, and
shape-changers which should excuse its brevity under normal circumstances, but
this is a Third Edition product. Third Edition products are gluttons filling
their pages with needless rules, superfluous text, and countless variations on
the standard themes with a key eye on the repetition of trite, unoriginal
monsters. 
I picked up Empire, by Alderic Entertainment Group (AEG),
last Sunday at McKay’s Used Bookstore for less than two dollars in trade. After my
experiences with Dragons by AEG you might expect that I would be more hesitant
to waste my time on their products, but this one was written my Mike Mearls;
and I have been so impressed by Mike over the last couple of years that I
decided to give this a try.
The number of times that I have thrown this book across the room has steadily increased throughout this chapter. Don't get me wrong; there are times when I want to have a book that provides me with complex rules and detailed management systems, and when those happen I remember to take my medicine and wait for the moment to pass. The combat rules in this chapter are clunky and while they are well thought out you'd be far better off with yanking the basic rules from Warhammer and using the Mass Combat Feats (pg 55 - 56) from this book. You can basically port the races over and run the wars without too much effort. Or if that sounds like too much work and money you could pick up a copy of the long since out of print Chainmail by searching on Google and downloading the damned thing for free. Or ask Chirine about how he would run a mass combat game because the guy is freaking cool as hell. But for god's sake don't waste your fucking time with this chapter! It is clunky and labor intensive with a very minimal payoff.