Thoughts About Non-ordinary Task Resolution

I was reading an article this morning in Dragon Magazine, Vol. 1, No. 1 titled How to Use Non-prime-requisite Character Attributes by Wesley D. Ives (page 7). The article is really quite a fascinating glimpse into the game and the development of class non-specific skills.

. . . Whenever a player performs a non-ordinary task, or attempts to do so, the referee is usually in a quandary — how to determine fairly whether the character can perform the attempted action? Normally, the referee gives consideration to the player’s attributes and then more or less ‘wings it,’ attempting to be fair — usually giving the player a percentage chance of success. A more standardized system is needed and the following guidelines should help considerably.

WHENEVER A PLAYER ATTEMPTS SOME ACTION WHICH WOULD TAX HIS ABILITY IN ANY ATTRIBUTE:

1) Generate a number from 1-100, and consult the table below

DIE ROLL TYPE OF DIE FOR DETERMINATION

01-20                         (always add the                Four-sided

21-40                          score in question              Six-sided

41-60                          to the 1-100 number        Eight-sided

61-80                         achieved)                          Ten-sided

81-100                                                                Twelve-sided

2) Using the type die called for, generate a number, and multiply this number by the amount of the attribute being tested. THIS NUMBER IS THE PERCENT CHANCE OF SUCCESS.

EXAMPLE.: Consider Grod the fighter. His scores are STR-17; INT-9; WIS-5; CON-14; DEX-14; CHAR-12 Grod’s party has been attacked by a pair of bugbears. Grod wants three of his minions to hold off the Bugbears while Grod rolls away the boulder blocking the exit to the dungeon. So — will the minions fight?

DIE ROLL — 42 added to Grod’s Charisma (12) = 54. So Grod rolls an eight-sided die, scoring a seven. Therefore, there is a 7 x 12 (the score times Grod’s Charisma) or 84% chance that the minions will fight . . . (Ives pg 7)

For a system that is supposed to simplify the referee's life by providing a framework for determining all those pesky questions that arise when players go outside the defined rules this is surely the most complicated method I have read. The formula for this method actually reads as follows: 1d100 + ability score = die determination on the chart = appropriate die * ability score = percentage chance of success; which then requires the player to roll at, or under, that percentage number in order to succeed at the task in question.

The rule is very complicated and requires the player to make three rolls to determine the successfulness or failure of each part of the task and in the provided example (which I cut short) this results in six die rolls to determine two questions (will the minions fight; will Grod be able to make the boulder roll). That is a huge slow down in the play of the game and would most assuredly break the momentum of a good session by use of this bad rule.

It seems to me that Mr. Ives would have been better served by simply having the player roll a d20 against his ability score. If you roll at or lower than your score you have succeeded, above and you have failed. This would provide a quicker formula with less die rolls involved than the one proposed.

Still though, it does have a charm that makes me want to use it . . .

The Troglodyte Caves

I was thinking about Troglodytes last night and started researching these little devils. Unfortunately I found that the Third Edition Troglodytes are basically unusable in my eyes. They're too big, too powerful, and far too lizardman-esque. After all if they're nothing more than a bestial version of the lizardman than there is absolutely no reason to ever use them in your campaign. So instead I went back to the Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Monster Manual and used that version.

Lair of the Troglodyte by Charles Akins

Okay, now in the map I used the box hatching around the caves and alternated it with a bit more of the classical crosshatching. I don't think that the box hatching was as successful next to the cave as it tended to lose the line. Next time I'll use the box hatching further away from the line of the dungeon.

The cavern entrance is partially submerged and the cavern hall leading in is only two feet wide causing any creature above small size to fight at a -2 modifier. The river entrance is populated by four trained and hungry alligators who begin attacking once the players enter into the cramped entrance. There is an alarm just north of the entrance with a group of troglodytes camping in the cave just above and to the right. The idea is for them to begin attacking the invading players while the alarm alerts the tribe.

For this dungeon I set up three secret caverns. The first one is the treasure cavern where the troglodytes have been stashing all of the goods and gear they've collected from raiding the nearby trade route. The troglodytes have trapped this room with two mimics. Each of them are further in the cavern rather than being near the entrance. The idea is that the players will get greedy and let their guard down when the mimics finally attack.

The second secret area in the southeast is where the troglodytes are hiding their 'god,' a slumbering Linnorm (you can find them in the 3.5 Monster Manual II, pg. 140). The Linnorm is essentially a flightless dragon that is incredibly old, incredibly powerful, and just loves the idea of eating player charterers. The idea behind this sort of huge danger in what should be an easy encounter for these players is to set up a series of future encounters with the Linnorm as a major reoccurring villain - something I've been wanting to do for quite some time.

The third secret area in the north of the map is where the troglodyte women and their eggs are located, hidden away from the possibility of discovery by wondering adventurers and a hungry Linnorm. If the players manage to find this secret area then the troglodyte women will fight with everything they have and at a +1 challenge rating.

Lair of the Troglodytes by Charles Akins is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

The Increasingly Difficult Buy In

I was sitting in my parents' living room staring at the enormity of the third edition Player's Handbook and contemplating suicide. I had never made a character before and now that I was left to my own devices I found the matter incredibly frustrating. The book is obnoxiously long, filled with esoteric terminology, and has the most piss poor index and glossary I have ever had the misfortune of using. So I threw the book on the table, took the time to make myself an Akins Screw, and contemplated all the wrongs I had committed in my life. They are numerous though not without number.

It was around that time that I remembered that Wizards of the Coast posts their contact information in the front of every book they publish - as did TSR and basically every company you ever purchase anything from in this modern world. As it was my first day off in the last 85 days I decided to call.

"Thank you for calling Wizards of the Coast, this is Corporate Facade, how may I help you?"

"Son your god damned game is fun but too fucking hard to learn. Can you do something about that?"

"Well, what seems to be the problem?"

"Your made up words and lack of a workable glossary."

"Ah, yes. That is a problem."

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One of the worst decisions in our hobby was made when Wizards of the Coast decided to stop publishing the Basic, Expert, and Companion Dungeons and Dragons games. Now I am sure that part of this decision was based around the release of Third Edition and their experiences with Magic: the Gathering and competing product lines within the company diffusing sales.

It was a mistake.

The Basic game, whether you're talking about Holmes, Moldvay, or Mentzer, is a fantastic introduction to the hobby with a very minimal buy in for new gamers. The Expert and the Companion volumes are steady expansions on the initial game and provide players and Dungeon Masters alike with an increased level of difficulty and game complexity that come with mastery of the Basic game. Even going from the Basic game to Advanced or Second Edition Advanced Dungeons and Dragons is an easy transition. The entirety of the product line builds from an easy introductory set for new players through varying levels of complexity and difficulty in later products - that's what we call synergy in modern business models.

Neither Third nor Fourth edition Dungeons and Dragons provides this sort of introductory model and I would argue that it is to the detriment of the game and of the hobby as a whole. Without that easy introduction new players are forced to find existing groups, groups that are notorious for being hesitant with introducing new people into the fold, to teach them the hobby; but what do you do when there are no groups around?

The simple answer is that you don't join the hobby because the buy in is too high.

The Holmes Basic game is only 49 pages long and includes all the rules you need to play at early levels, monsters, and a sample adventure. Moldvay's Basic game is only 64 pages long and provides you with everything Holmes brought to the table but with better formatting. The Mentzer Basic game boxed set is only a 120 pages which includes all the rules you need to play, monsters, a sample adventure, a separate Dungeon Master's guide, and a hell of a lot better art throughout the booklets.  Contrast that with the three basic books for third edition: Player's Handbook I, 319 pages; Monster Manual I, 319 pages; Dungeon Master's Guide I, 320 pages. Fourth Edition is just as bad when it comes to page counts so there is a ridiculous amount of effort that a new player has to put forth with these games - not to mention cost. Third edition started out at $30.00 a book while fourth edition started out at $40.00. By contrast I can buy a used copy of the Moldvay Basic game today for less than $10.00 on Amazon and can pick up both PDFs of the Mentzer Basic game for $10.00 through Dungeons and Dragons Classics.

So how does any of this get fixed?

The Akins Screw, the Drink of Champions

I invented the Akins Screw when I was in college and playing entirely too much Madden. My friends at the time would spend a hundred dollars on cheep beer and I didn't have that kind of money. I had enough money to buy a 750 ml bottle of liquor once every two weeks or a bottle of wine every week. So I would make my drinks stiff and sip at them over the course of the night getting just as drunk, but spending a hell of a lot less.

The Akins Screw
Ingredients
1 Highball Glass
3 Large Ice Cubes (or six medium sized cubes)
1 Peeled Orange Wedge
1 Twist of Orange
12 Parts Vodka
1 Part Orange Juice

In the Highball Glass set your Peeled Orange Wedge and muddle it, set your 3 Large Ice Cubes on top of the muddled Orange Wedge. Square cubes work best as they help defuse the liquor and aid in the mixing process but as long as you use large cubes your drink should turn out fine. Next poor your Vodka of choice over the cubes. I prefer to use either Belvedere, Vox, or Thor's Hammer vodka (which has the worst website ever by the way) for my liquor as they're usually priced in the mid range of vodkas. Additionally they have a smooth taste without a heavy aftertaste that can result in your lower range vodkas such as Svedka and Kavlana. At this point you should add your orange juice, pulpy juice is better than not but really it depends on your personal preference. Now what you want to do is add just enough orange juice to color the vodka - not to dilute it. Finally, take a bar spoon or a tea spoon (which is what I use) and stir your drink. Top the rim with the Twist of Orange and you've got the drink of champions.

Death in the Underbelly

The room was small, too small for Step-up, and the dozen angry orcs throwing their bodies against the door really weren't helping his mood. Step-up ran his fingers across his thumb and bit down on his lower lip as he looked about the table and I could see the wheels spinning. Kid Icarus was on his last legs; the Mighty She was down to five arrows; Biggboy was clearly contemplating his last words; and the Glorious L was warming up her final fireball.

The door was breaking as the orcs continued to hurl their bodies forward.

Step-up stopped rubbing his fingers and cocked his head to the side, "Biggboy, give me your shield. I've got a plan."

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Over the course of the last ten years I've ruled on the deaths of nearly a hundred player characters and refereed two total party kills (TPKs).

There are two groups of thought when it comes to that last statement and both would hold that I am a terrible Dungeon Master, though for completely different reasons. To one group, we'll call them Dissenters, I am a terrible Dungeon Master because of how many player deaths I've refereed. To the other group, we'll call them Agitators, I am a terrible Dungeon Master because of how few deaths have occurred in my games.

I am supposed to be the enemy of my players. Every trap, every situation is to be manipulated by me in such a way as to where my players can not win.

Over the years I have encountered representatives of each group and I have always walked away confused with their rationale.  To the Dissenters my role as referee is that of a player advocate. I'm supposed to give them wonderfully powered items and fantastic rewards with minimal risk to their characters. Situations that should, logically, work against the players should always work out in their favor and they should be action heroes who always get the girl and never have to face a repercussion for their actions. By contrast, to Agitators, I am supposed to be the enemy of my players. Every trap, every situation is to be manipulated by me in such a way as to where my players can not win. There are never supposed to be magical items and what rewards they do gain are to be paid for in Pyrrhic battles.

Both groups are wrong. 

Death has to be something that matters

If I give my players everything in the world and there is no risk than there are no memorable moments in the game. Death has to be something that matters to my players or else they're just going to become bored and I'm going to become frustrated with my inability to provide an entertaining game. At the same time if I push things so far into the other direction then my players become timid and refuse to go out into the world - and why would you if every rabbit, toad, and fly carries your death?

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Step-up was ripping pages out of his spell-book and attaching them to the shield with a paste he had made from some rather sticky refuse. Just as he was instructing the others to construct a barricade from fallen masonry the door gave way. He turned the shield, now covered in explosive runes, toward the orcs.

"These guys ain't shit."

A Map of a Post or Some Such Thing

The Dungeon that Never Was, But May Someday Be

I noticed a while back that Wil Wheaton had posted his map from the introduction of Tabletop under the Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike license. I tend to think that's pretty groovy of him as he could have just kept the map for himself and never shared it with the world.

As you can see from the map to the right Will's dungeon is fairly bare bones. In that way the map is fantastic. It allows for anyone who comes across it to quickly create their own little world and story-lines without having to work out all the details that Will squirreled away in his map.

For me, however, I wanted to take Will's original idea and expand on it by making his map my own. In this way I could create small visual cues that will quickly relate all the information about the dungeon that I need so that my game will run smoothly.

When I began recreating the map I added rubble in the southeast corner of the large room, in the trapped room in the center of the map, and in the store room in the lower center of the map as evidence of seismic activity in the area. I also allowed flowing water to run across the right wall in the room to the lower right of the map as a way of emphasizing that the dungeon isn't being properly maintained. These sort of clues will allow me emphasize areas of the dungeon that are currently in use and those that are being left to rot.

I added a series of islands in the underground lake so that I can test out some Troglodytes. I've rarely used these creatures over the last ten years and I would like to begin using them in my games so that I can throw new challenges at my players and keep the game from being stale.

In the secret cave system I added a second layer to the top cavern so that I could create a Grell lair. I love Grell - especially since they tend to be rarely used by other dungeon masters - so I try to fit them into my campaigns at memorable points. Using an illusion to cover the entrance into their caverns provides me with several opportunities to make this a memorable encounter and keep the Grell, a large predator, logically consistent in the underground environment.

I also added some webs in the large room. These didn't really turn out as well as I would have liked, but they're a great visual cue to remind me that I've populated that section of the room with Giant Spiders.

Finally I turned all the shelves in the store room vertical as opposed to horizontal. Vertical shelving is the norm in professional storage situations and presents a subtle reinforcement of the idea that the people you're encountering in this dungeon aren't just a bunch of amateurs who got together and started committing acts of evil.

Evil is their profession and they've got their shit together.

The Dungeon that Never Was, But May Someday Be Redux

My map is being shared under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License. If you'd like to learn more about that, click on the links below.



Tabletop Map by Charles Akins is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http://wilwheaton.net/2012/12/a-map-of-a-dungeon-that-never-was-but-may-someday-be/.

I Hate Moving

After a full thirty days of moving a bit at a time I am finally done moving this time.

Yay.

Aw, fuck! I have to do this again in November!

For Kid Icarus

Last night I was talking with Kid Icarus about an upcoming Greyhawk campaign he would be playing in and I wanted to share a bit of his concept with the world just so other people could appreciate his creativity as much as I do.

Kid Icarus wants to play a wizard that uses evil to fight evil. He had a name for the class but damned if I remember what it was. At any rate the thing that made me enjoy this concept so much was the part he needed my help for, his back story.

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The Story

Kid Icarus' character was an orphan who was raised in a temple of a good god, possibly Pelor. For years he grew up there learning the faith and growing to adulthood. Then one day a wondering cleric joined the church and slow things began to change. The good men and women who had raised him seemed in a daze and muttered darkly to themselves. The teachings of Pelor seemed to be altered, at first subtly and then more substantially till one day he found himself in line to be sacrificed before an alter in an obscene perversion of the faith. It was then that the vile cleric revealed himself as a follower of a dark god and summoned a demon to kill the entire congregation.

Kid Icarus escaped from the blood bath and has sense spent his life tracking down the murderer of his friends and family.

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Now where I come in is the Kid is looking for a location for his character to be born and a couple of good gods to throw in there. So here are my suggestions:

Location

For events such as those in Kid Icarus' story to occur he's going to have to be a nation where such things could easily go missed. I'm thinking that the best nations would either be the Great Kingdom, the Wild Coast, or the Pomarj.

The Great Kingdom is the mostly likely source for such a tale of woe. It has a large volume of land where this could occur without outside influence; a corrupt kingship that consorts with devils and all sorts of diabolic forces; and enough of a vengeful streak in its populace to serve as a cultural touchstone for his character. As for the city I'm thinking that a repurposed Jalpa would suffice.

If that doesn't really strike a cord the Wild Coast would allow him to call the settlement an old pirate outpost and he could just make up any name he wanted which would answer why no one knew of it and why they were undisturbed during the events of his story.

The Pomarj would work by in a similar manner to the Wild Coast with one additional detail: he would have to be a refuge from the Orc and Goblinoid uprising on that blood soaked peninsula.

Evil Gods

Wastri

When it comes to evil gods in the Greyhawk setting there are really only two or three that work in this story: Incabulos, Iuz, and perhaps Wastri.

Wastri is the least likely of the three vile gods to be of any real use to this story, but if Kid Icarus' character, and the majority of people in his temple, are of any race other than human then it would not be beyond the scope of a cleric of Wastri to do some sort of foul corruption upon the land as Wastri holds pretty close to the line "If it ain't human, it's dead." The problem with using Wastri is that he's pretty pathetic as an overall enemy. Sure he can cause problems, and his clergy are no joke, but when you think about evil frogs are not exactly the first thing you think about and that's really what Wastri is about: frogs, bullywugs, and amphibians. He's the creepy kid that used to harangue you about his amphibian collection and smelled of spoiled chili.

Iuz

Iuz could work in this situation as the vile god responsible for the cleric, corruption, and the later murder of the temple's populace but I would be hesitant to use him. Where Wastri's motive is easy to discern Iuz is a bit more difficult and would really require the Dungeon Master to participate a bit more in the backstory than I think Kid Icarus is comfortable with. You see, Iuz is like the Stalin of Greyhawk: evil, massively powerful, and power hungry. He won't risk his clergy on an evil act just for evil's sake. There has to be some sort of underlying intent whether that's an expansion of his boarders or some sort of payback from a perceived slight is up to the Dungeon Master, but it is a question that will need to be answered. Also, unless I were to want a heavily combat oriented cleric I just wouldn't want to use Iuz.

Iuz is responsible for so much visible evil in the world of Oerth (the Greyhawk setting's name for the planet) that a character bent on revenge would be constantly rushing off to fight. That's okay if you love combat as I do, but it could really put a cramp in your ability to develop a more nuanced character as the Kid is prone to do.

Incabulos

No, for my money the best evil god for this situation is Incabulos. His clergy is secretive and they love to corrupt others in their nefarious plots. But more importantly is Incabulos' relationship with the major forces of evil in the universe. He is feared by both good and evil, so much so that ". . . he is feared by even the princes of Hades and the dukes of Hell . . . (Dragon 71, pg 53 Gygax). That fear alone could make demons and devils do the bidding of his clergy without the usual caveats. That's a huge bonus in crafting the story that Kid Icarus has in mind for his character and presents a situation where revenge becomes a quest - unlike with Iuz where his followers are quite literally everywhere.  I guess what I really like about Incabulos is that using his clergy as the evil focus gives Kid Icarus a situation where he has to use all of his cleverness and creativity in order to find, kill, revive and kill again those vile bastards that destroyed the lives of everyone he has ever known and loved. Those are the sort of situations  where Kid Icarus really shines and where he makes a Dungeon Master better - because if you can't keep up with him once he starts rolling then you're going to look like a complete hack incapable of even tying your shoes let alone running a game of Dungeons and Dragons.

Good Gods

Trithereon

Now while Kid Icarus has a pretty good idea who he would like to use as the gods his character would be following I would like to make the following suggestion: Trithereon.

Trithereon, is the god to whom I would join if my faith in Pelor were shattered and someone had to fucking pay for the vileness that had been done to me, my family, and my friends. He is the god of retribution, individuality, freedom, and self-defense - and he's aligned with Pelor which is easier to rectify than some of the other gods. By following him I would be free to fuck up the people responsible for my temple's destruction without worrying about a bullshit alignment shift (which is a worry with the Dungeon Master Kid Icarus is going to be playing under).

Further, I would have access to the domains Chaos, Good, Protection, and Strength which is a pretty good selection and for my money better than Boccob's set of Knowledge, Magic and Trickery (the Kid is leaning toward Boccob from our last conversation). Also, my choice of weapons is far better as my deity's favored weapons are the shortspear, longsword, and greatclub; whereas, Boccob's favorite weapon is the fucking quarterstaff. Trithereon gives me some kick ass options, lots of room to grow, and if another cleric doesn't like the way I'm praying, fuck him. This is a god of individuality and freedom I can do as I want.

Trithereon!

No other god gives me as many built in protections for the sort of acts I would lay at the doorsteps of those responsible for the evils that have been visited upon me. No other god will respect the hell that I bring against those evil and vile fuckers and still hold me close to his bosom.

Trithereon!

When the Best Laid Plans Go Awry, You Must be Playing Dungeons and Dragons

The game had been going on for five hours. Poot, the Master Planner, Bus, Biggboy, Thief 1 and 2, Neverwas, Step-up, Baby Momma, Loveless, the Great Big Cat, and the Eternal Virgin had been working their way through a massive cave complex. They had been captured and escaped; hid from a Taint Elemental (Heroes of Horror pg 145); and had walked in on a rather tense series of negotiations between a Lich and a vampire. It was then that the Eternal Virgin did something I had not prepared for: she pulled out her signal whistle and started blowing on the damned thing.

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At a certain point you begin to know your players and how they play their characters. In the Kimber Campaign, where the incident with the Eternal Virgin took place, I felt like I had a pretty good handle on my players after 80 hours of play. I was able to push the right buttons, at the right time, to provide moments that they’re still talking about some five years later. But after all this time I still couldn’t tell you why she did it.

That’s one of the inherent dangers involved in playing the co-operative narrative style of Dungeons and Dragons. There is no set script, so the players can literally do anything that is possible within the frame work of the situation – even to their detriment.

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After thinking about the situation, and others that have occurred in the years since, I started formulating some hypothesizes about why these sort of events happen:

• It’s an Off Night: Everyone has a bad game, a bad day, and even a bad year. Sometimes these nights result in outlandish behavior, like when the Master Planner got in a fight with a trained boxer – interesting side note, it was a bad idea.
• The Words May Be the Same, But the Meaning is Completely Different: There are times when I fail at the table in my descriptions. Perhaps I used a word that not everyone is familiar with or I forgot a key piece of information that would change everyone’s actions. Even worse though is when I say one thing and one of the players hears something different.
• Piss Poor Preparation Always Leads to Failure: While it is rare for me to have a night where I have nothing prepared those nights do occur, and when they happen my players can tell. I fumble with my words and seem lost when I should know right where we are. It’s then that they sense blood in the water and move quickly as they attempt to make a big score before my feet can plant again.
• I’m Playing with a Bag of Dicks: There are times when the Master Planner, Poot, Step-up, and Kid Icarus get bored. When that happens they will entertain themselves; and it’s then that all my misdeeds in life are called to bear and there’s Hell to pay.

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When it comes to dealing with one of the above situations I’ve found that there are only a few choices available to me:

• The Fifteen Minute Break: In life and in my game I have found that there are times when we all need a short break. In many cases a fifteen minute break can give me all the time that I need to formulate my action plan. So when things start spiraling beyond my keen I call a time out and allow everyone to stretch their legs. Usually it gives me enough time. 
• Play Through: There are times when it becomes impossible to break the game (momentum being king and all) and the only thing left to do is just keep going. At these times I tend to react quickly, thinking little of the consequence, only to review the audio of the session and wonder what the fuck I’m going to do next week.
• The Night’s End: If the situation is far beyond any of our control and is threatening to overtake us all spiraling the campaign down the tubes I will stop the session. This has only happened twice in the ten years that I have been running and both times it was the result of the players going so far along that I completely ran out of places to go and needed a to end the night. 

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Credit where credit is due. I was inspired to write this entry after reading an article over at Gnome Stew. My words are my own as are my thought processes but it would be a disservice to both the reader and myself to pretend that the inspiration came from only within. 

The Railroad You Know

Seven years ago I was playing in a campaign run by the World' Greatest Liar. He claimed that the campaign would have a rich and evocative world attached to it; that our characters would develop a beautiful backstory and that this campaign, this campaign would change our perceptions of how Dungeons and Dragons is played and would give us a glimpse of the game's true potential. 

I was intrigued so along with Poot, Biggboy, and Kid Icarus we decided to join him for the night and see where this thing was going. We were given characters and told that we could not rename them, change their equipment, classes, or even their eye color. I started to leave but Poot talked me into staying for a few more minutes. 

The story began with a terrible dragon attacking the Good Kingdom. We were called before the king and our scripted conversations were recited by the World's Greatest Liar for us - how thoughtful of him. We then, apparently, agreed to leave the city immediately and travel across the Wastes to the home of the terrible dragon. It was at that point that we were allowed to act for ourselves which was signified by the World's Greatest Liar giving us three options for us to take. Go left, go right, or straight ahead. Our guide, we were told, was the good paladin Theobald and he could go no further. 

"Great," said I as I signaled Poot that the good paladin Theobald had to fucking die, "I would like to speak with Theobald."

"Certainly," said the World' Greatest Liar, "Theobald asks you what you need."

"Nothing but his attention." Poot attacked the paladin with a natural twenty while Biggboy dropped the horse. 

"Why would you do that! You can't do that!"

"We just did," Poot told him. "and I rolled maximum damage."

Not surprisingly the dragon killed us all on the spot. 

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I don't mind the idea that a game I'm playing in has a storyline or an overall story arc, in fact I love when a campaign has a theme or underlying direction; but when that comes at the price of my free will I get volatile.  I hate the idea that my character has a limited number of options based not on circumstance but on my Dungeon Master's unwillingness to allow for me to think my way out of a situation. 

Unlike the World's Greatest Liar I have always viewed my job as Dungeon Master not as a narrator telling a well orchestrated story but as a referee who presents options to my players and lets them tell the story. 

In my current campaign I have taken this further than ever before. I began with a simple one paragraph explanation of the immediate world around the city of Dyvers and then briefly expanded on that paragraph during the first five minutes of the campaign. After that the players were left to their own devices. I provide them opportunities for adventure in every direction they look and no matter where they choose to go, it is my job to give them something there. If they want to work in a bar as waitresses, cook, and entertainment then I let them do just that. But I have to make it fun. So I look for ways that such situations start going off the rails. Mobsters, wild magic, tantalizing tales - those are my tools - but no matter what it all comes down to them and to their decisions.

Anything less is asking to get burned.