Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Baby Shit Up to My Elbows

Today has been a great day in that I have new glasses and everyone is (mostly) healthy. Which is why when I say this next part I need you to understand that I am not complaining, I am merely commenting on the state of things in the House Akins. My son has shit sixteen times today. Big, massive, terrible shits that would choke a horse and scare those with delicate sensibilities. 

I have taken to calling him Godzilla. He is not pleased. 

Not my kid, but it fits.

6 comments:

  1. When my son is 12 I'll give him 'the talk": I'll kick his door open an hour after he's asleep yelling about needing a drink, point out I just crapped my pants, and oh yeah... don't get anyone pregnant until you are older and don't mind rolling in baby shit, now get me that drink!
    It seems to have worked for the older two.

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    Replies
    1. Dad? When did you start writing a blog?

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    2. I can't imagine a funnier response; had to show it to my wife and she found it pretty darned amusing as well. You mention wanting to try to write professionally in another post, go for it.

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    3. I am. I'm looking for a few good places to start where I might be able to gain a foothold. As the old saying goes, the first step is the hardest and then it's all uphill from there. :]

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  2. I'm in the middle of potty training...a new level of nightmares before the (hopeful but seemingly impossible) end game in which crap actually enters the toilet with something resembling consistency and accuracy. Big problem: I've decided it's his not wanting to use the toilet because he might miss something exciting somewhere. Gaaaaahhhh

    But on the plus side my investments in diaper manufacturers are always a sure bet!

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    Replies
    1. Tell me about it!

      Oh, and I'm firmly convinced that the best investments in the world are diapers, condoms, and beer.

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