Sin Eater: Week 6, Procrastination
I'm usually pretty good about time management, but the last few months have been a bit tough because of all the illnesses, family visits, and normal life happenings. Normally I set myself a 'to-do' list that I work my way through, marking off each item as I finish it, and that keeps me on track. Here lately thought the little boy has made that a bit . . . difficult. It's hard to put into words how much a child changes your perspective on time and what's important when you.
Yet that isn't the thing that has hamstrung me the most. Instead I find that that I'm often feeling like I can't get started because I just don't know enough. I should probably provide some context for that statement. I want to start a let's play channel on YouTube. Nothing crazy; just me playing some games and having a good time. The problem is that I want it to be of a certain quality level from the beginning - but I know that waiting until it's perfect is only going to find me never doing it at all because nothing is perfect. But I don't want to start it until it looks a certain way. And cycle.
I used to do that with the blog before I started it. I wanted to have this knowledge level for the hobby that would make my blog this unassailable plateau from which no one could question me or my pronouncement from up on high ground. Then I realized that I wouldn't ever start writing a fucking thing if I held to that. No one has that level of knowledge - and let's be honest, the people who start approaching that level tend to being boring. I'm anything but boring.
So anyway, after spending a Summer fruitlessly wandering from book to book, pretending that I could learn everything in a reasonable way I finally got fed up and just started writing the blog. Since thing this thing has done well because I'm not trying to make it perfect, just as good as I can do. I need to do that with the YouTube thing but it terrifies me that I might get myself into some legal hot water or that I might start out with such low quality that no one wants to watch the videos.
Fuck it. This evening (if the power doesn't go out with the ice storm they're calling for) I'll start building a study guide for OBS so that I can learn how to use the software in a reasonable fashion. The Yeti microphone that I'm using is a beast so I'm not worried about the sound quality. I just need to make sure that the rest of it comes along.
The Sin Eater series is an opportunity for each of us, you and me, to recognize our sins and failures. Each week I kick it off by discussing something I do wrong, that I have failed at, or that I find reproachful in myself. Then anyone who wants to can join in and post their own 'sins' either through the use of their own username or anonymously in the comments below (DO NOT POST ANYTHING ILLEGAL AND THAT WILL GET YOU IN TROUBLE WITH THE LAW).The idea behind this project is to humanize ourselves (so take your self-righteous judgments and pronouncements and shove them right up your ass). It's also a place to help each of us to let go of the 'sins' that have been dominating our lives and recognize them for what they are: the simple human frailties that all of us struggle with daily. This series is the place where you can speak honestly and let your frailties be devoured by the internet gods.
Oppenheimer (Now I Have Become Death, The Destroyer of Worlds) by Yuri Leonov