DYVERS

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Absence Makes Something, Something, Something . . .

My Grandma's turning 85 this weekend and I'm heading up the mountain for her birthday festivities. So I'll be back Monday with more stuff.

Until then,
Charles Akins

Friday, March 21, 2014

This is Why I Still Read Penny Arcade.

I know that there are people out there raising hell about things Mike and Jerry have said (see Of Dickwolves and Things for more) but I don't care. They have consistently put out an amazing comic that has only gotten better with age. And if I'm lucky, then my son will be this wonderful and he will burn the heavens as he lays waste to his enemies.

I am counting down the days.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

She Asked Me to Tell Her a Story

I was sitting in the room watching the tail end of yet another defeat for my beloved Bears when a girl started crying outside my window. I could hear a boy talking to her and decided that it was in my best interest to ignore them; that is right up until he screamed at her. It was a dangerous, guttural scream that had me out of my seat and down the hall before I knew I was moving. I leapt down the stairwell and kicked open the fire doors, What's this shit?

He was standing over her like some sort of predator, his hand raised and a snarl on his lips. "Who the fuck are you?"

I'm the god damned light brigade you mouth-breathing fuckhead.

"Yeah, well mind your own fucking business."

You bring that hand one inch closer to her and I'll mind your ass in the grave.

He stared at me as I stood there looking at him. I counted the seconds, trying to decide if he would press me or if he'd break for it. The moment hung in the air and then he dropped his arm down and said to her, "So you fucking this asshole too?"

If she was god knows she'd have cum for the first time in her life.

"Fuck you!"

I charged him and he ran. Really? You're not even going to make a go of it then you fucking yellow bastard!

"Fuck you, fag!" he shouted at me as he made for his car. I stood there next to the crying girl and watched him peal out of the parking lot screaming at me the whole way. By the time I finally looked away the girl was curled up in the fetal position on the concrete.

There now, darling, I said as quite as a mouse, it's all going to be okay. Only it wasn't okay, not right then anyway. She cried as I picked her up in my arms and carried her to the lobby. We sat there for a long time as she told me all about Ricky; about how things had turned sour. He'd never hit her, but something seemed to snap in him today and he was just about to - then she cried again. Hours passed as she talked her broken heart away until finally it seemed like all of her tears were done. So we walked back to her dormitory where she kissed me on the cheek.

Walking back home I found that the cool autumn night reminded of fall on the mountain; where I could listen to the coyotes play in the hills and smell the leaves still smoldering in the evening air. Not here though. Here all I could smell was the hot stink of the sewers.

A melancholy mood seemed to take hold of me as I walked along the quad and lit my cigar. By the time I made it back to the dorm my roommate had already arrived and was long since asleep. Sleep wasn't coming for me though, and it seemed I wasn't alone.

The phone rang at 3:30 and I jumped to the reciever. It's three thirty in the morning, either you or someone I know had best be in trouble.

"I'm in terrible trouble," came her pouty voice from across the continent, "I can't sleep at all."

Oh?

"Tell me a story."

I smiled as I said, Did I ever tell you about the time I went grouse hunting and caught a bull?

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Expanded Dungeons and Dragons News from GAMA.

This morning (see Dungeons and Dragons News for more) I posted put out a bit of information coming from the Game Manufacturers Association trade show, or GAMA for short, and I wanted to take a few minutes and expand on what we've learned in the intervening hours and to put some of those points into context.

The Starter Set

"D&D presentation showing off gorgeous D&D starter set box" I'm Board! Games

After reading a few different first hand sources who attended the GAMA show the Starter Set is going to be a White Box. This appears to be a homage to Original Dungeons and Dragons and the 1974 White Box - which is a nice touch. It seems to be part of emerging pattern of behavior from Wizards of the Coast over the last few years.

Previously, Wizards of the Coast seemed to treat older editions of Dungeons and Dragons as though they were something to be ashamed of and forgotten entirely. That changed with the release of the Red Box Starter Set for Fourth Edition. Suddenly we started getting classic products available again in pdf format through the Dungeons and Dragons Classics website. We've seen recent Encounters Series that have been compatible with Third, Fourth, and Fifth edition. The playtest packets even went so far as to make it a point of running classic adventures, such as the Keep on the Boarderlands' Caves of Chaos, with the new edition rule sets.

In many ways it's as though the people running Wizards of the Coast woke up and realized that one of the great failures of the Fourth Edition was their insistence that old views and products weren't relevant to the game anymore. It created bad blood and drove people away from the game, myself included.

I am encouraged by this change in philosophy and hopeful that it continues as the product launches.

"Opinion: The 5e 'white box' Starter will be more like the 4e Starter Set than the Pathfinder Beginner Box . . ." I'm Board! Games

The Fourth Edition Starter Set has been maligned for a number of reasons (not the least of which was it being part of the Essentials Line), but some of this criticism has been simply because it wasn't what we wanted - whatever that was. I've gotten a couple of questions about what the actual difference between the Pathfinder Box and the D&D Box entail. These two videos should answer all of those questions. First we'll look at the Dungeons and Dragons Red Box:

Contrast the Red Box with this short presentation by Erik Mona and the Pathfinder Beginner's Box:

The Three Books

Wizards of the Coast has confirmed now that there will be a Player's Handbook, Dungeon Master's Guide, and Monster Manual. They still have not announced a release date for any of the books or the Starter Set it seems that the leaked information from Barnes and Noble's website (see Release Date for Next Leaked for more) is shaping up to be pretty accurate at least as far as was shown.

There has been little information released on the actual look of each of the books as cameras weren't allowed during the presentation but that hasn't stopped some people from doing their best to imagine the covers:

Player's Handbook Cover by @NewbieDM

While that's not necessarily bad I'm hopeful for something more in the vein of the action oriented Advanced Dungeon Master's Guide than the static pose that graced the Forth Edition Player's Handbook. Maybe we'll get lucky and the cover will be somewhere in-between.

"D&D Presentation: no multiple PH's . . ." I'm Board! Games

In many ways it's a relief to know that there aren't going to be five or six Player's Handbooks being published but in others it doesn't really matter. We all know that more classes, races, backgrounds, feats, spells, and other gaming ephemera are going to come out in the countless supplemental books that will be published after the core grouping. So this isn't really a win or lose statement.

"Monster Manual. Pretty! "All the iconic monsters are there." I'm Board! Games

By contrast this statement has far more weight in it. When Fourth Edition first came out the Monster Manual was missing several of the old standbys, most notably the metallic dragons. Leaving them out isn't a cardinal sin, but it's a bit like going to see a baseball game and the right fielder is left off the roster. Yeah, you can play, but . . .

One of the major points that keeps coming up in discussing these books is how beautiful the covers are. That was something that was lacking in many Fourth Edition books as the creatures seemed to become far more cartoony than beautiful and as a whole the artistic style just wasn't as inspiring as previous editions (though clearly a three legged hog covered in leprous legions would be more attractive than the Third Edition core book covers).

I'm excited to finally see these covers when the pre-orders start launching. By the way, I'm betting that the pre-orders for the Starter Set will launch by the end of next month and the Player's Handbook will follow by the end of the following month.

"What would Gary and Dave do?"

It tickles me to see that this is their guiding philosophy, even if it is just lip service, because what that line says to me is: make the game fun first and foremost, the rest will follow.

Here's hoping they succeed because I'm really looking forward to the launch at this point.

Your thoughts?

Dungeons and Dragons News

Word coming form the GAMA convention is that the Starter Set is a boxed set and that it is "gorgeous" according to Morris over at EN World.
Pictures haven't leaked online yet but from Twitter comments I'm seeing it should be out there soon.
The three main books are confirmed
Beholder will be on PH
There will not be the multiple PHs as existed with Fourth
Guiding principle has been "What would Gary and Dave do?"
"Live from #GAMA: D&D Presentation: No edition wars. They will still print 4e until interest goes away. Do whatever rules, enjoy this story" -- I'm Board! Games twitter feed.
All the iconic monsters will be in the Monster Manual, unlike the Fourth Edition MM that omitted some of them for later MMs.

"Live from #GAMA: D&D Presentation: Opinion: The 5e "white box" Starter will be more like the 4e Starter Set than the Pathfinder Beginner Box" --I'm Board! Games ‏@imboardgame

It's interesting that we're going with "White Box" rather than say a wood grain cardboard box or a red box to draw on the connections with previous editions. I really want to get my hands on it so that I can tell more about it at this point.

Click here for more.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The New Living Campaign?

Does anyone know what the new Living Campaign for Dungeons and Dragons will be?

I mean to say that if past actions are able to predict future outcomes then we can assume that the Living Forgotten Realms will be mothballed when Dungeons and Dragons hits in August. After all, they did the same with the Living City and Living Greyhawk when Third and Fourth premiered. So what will it be?

Personally I'm hoping that they chose something that's a real fan favorite - like Boot Hill. What about you?

I Still Miss You.

I was laying in bed next to this crazy woman who had convinced herself that we were in love with each other when the phone began to ring. I looked over at the wall and watched it shake itself free from its bonds to strike against the floor, knocking the receiver free. From across the continent the tinny voice of a girl I'd loved for longer than I knew how to breathe called my name, "Charlie? Are you there? I really need to talk to you."

I walked over to the phone and laid my head against the cool tile. This is Charlie, how may I direct your call.

"Stop being funny. I'm in trouble."

I picked up the receiver and walked over to the refrigerator to pour myself a glass of punch, What seems to be the problem darling?

"I think that my roommate is trying to poison me."

I snorted out a laugh, Be serious now, kid.

"I am damn it. I came into the room two nights ago and she had made these brownies for me. She even had a big sign up with hearts and everything on it."

Sounds nice.

"I haven't stopped shitting since."

So she's a bad cook, that doesn't mean she was trying to poison you.

"You've got to believe me, Charlie, she's trying to kill me."

Why?

"Because I told everyone that she's so bad in bed that after a boy fucks her they beat off for half an hour with kerosene to get her stench off of them."

That might be a good reason to hurt you, darling, I said through a laugh that woke up the crazy bitch. So how's that fine ass doing?

"Still growing," she said with an audible pout, "how's that tiny dick of yours?"

Still saluting in the morning and writing me letters at night about the awful places I've been sticking it. She giggled and the phone grew silent as I counted her shallow breaths.

"I miss you."

I miss you too. Don't wait so long to call me again.

"I won't."

Monday, March 17, 2014

Dude, I Didn't Know You Were Real.

I was sitting down in a China Hut back in my hometown reading the Burning Wheel system book when a tall, goofy looking kid walked over to me and started talking to me. I looked over my glasses as he started telling me about his Vampire campaign that's been going on and started asking my advice when I interrupted him.

You've got the wrong guy. You're looking for my brother, Poot.

"You're not Poot," he asked me a bit embarassed.

No, I'm his brother, Charles Akins.

"I didn't know you were real."

I looked back down at the book and said, Yeah, I'm real.

"Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you but I've been hearing about you for years and I just kind of assumed that you were made up."

Why would you think I was made up?

"It's the stories people have been telling me."

I sat the book down at that point, figuring that this was about to become a more involved conversation. What sort of stories have you heard?

"Did you really kill your entire party by convincing them to kill each other so that you could take the treasure for yourself?"

It's not like we had been playing together for very long . . .

"Did you really use your heal checks to kill off other players?"

Yes, but they were evil.

"That's now what I heard. I was told that you killed them one by one and claimed that they had been bitten by ghouls and were turning a bit pale so you had to off them before they took the rest of you down."

Ghouls are evil.

Thank You!

Even Jenna-Louise Coleman thinks you guys rock!

This morning I broke the 100,000 view threshold and hit 1,500 comments on the blog. I cannot express how cool it is that you folks read me and are engaged enough to leave a comment. It really helps me keep writing and I hope that you find more things worth reading each time you come by.

Thank you all for reading, commenting, and sharing my posts with your friends on Facebook, Redit, and Twitter. Thank you!

Charles Akins

My Ten Favorite RPG Products of All Time.

Whenever it comes to any list of ten greatest role-playing game products you're bound to find people saying things like, "But you didn't include my really obscure favorite product that was only produced for one summer by this blind, Irish immigrant on 14th St. in New Orleans. It totally predated all of your mainstream bullshit by, like, 150 years. You're fucking lame, dude."

I'm going to stop you right there, hipster. I make no pretense at knowing every esoteric book attached with the hobby - nor do I have any intention of wading through the muck of games like FATAL to prove my geek cred - but that doesn't mean that I don't want to hear about your favorites. So write your own lists and leave me a link in the comments (I'll add your link to the bottom of the page) or leave me a comment down below telling me about some of your favorites that I've missed and why they rock.

That's the fun part of lists like this: you get to tell everybody about your favorite products and hear about their favorites in return. So here's mine:

The List

10.) Rifts Sourcebook #1 by Kevin Siembieda: This book was one of the first rpg books that I bought where you were encouraged to go far beyond dungeon room A12-c3 and its orc guarding a chest filled with dirty rags and smutty magazines. This book taught me that your players can be easily fooled by gigantic robots into overlooking the real threat, and that deception wasn't something that should be done only by your enemies. It taught me that the bad guys can hit and run and that winning a fight can sometimes be the worst move you can make.

9.) The Rythlondar Chronicles: I've never really been sure who wrote the majority of these but I'm eternally grateful that they did, and even more so to Risus Monkey for making them available to the world again. This Chronicle is an eye opening look into the early days of the hobby and into the beauty that comes when you remove yourself from your expectations for what a game should be and just create the game you want to play. Since I first found the pdf version of these Chronicles I've read them a half dozen times and every time I read them I find something new.

8.) Greyhawk Adventures by James M. Ward: This was my introduction to the world of Greyhawk. It's an easy read and there is so much inspiring material here that even ten years after starting running in the world of Greyhawk I'm still able to read it and bring something new into my game. I'd gush some more about this product but once I start I'll never stop.

7.) Carcosa by Geoffrey McKinney: This setting book burned up the OSR blog-o-sphere and the rpg forums years before I became involved in rpg blogging. What made this book so controversial? The Sorcerous Rituals where virgin sacrifices and the blood of imaginary children dribbled down cruel blades as vile gods were called back from the void that spawned them.

That people who wax on for days about Lovecraft and Howard got so damned up in arms over this book has always mystified me. This doesn't glorify the darkness that permated their worlds; instead it is a refreshing reminder to step away from your modern sensibilities and to remember that evil should be cruel. It pushes you away from the greys and dulled moral equivocations that wash our daily lives and for that I cannot express how great a book this is.

Since I picked up this book in pdf I have continuously regretted not purchasing it in hardback. It is a fantastic resource that will give you a world darker and crueler than your vanilla dreams have room for, and it will spawn villains that will haunt your player's waking moments.

6.) Rifts Ultimate Edition by Kevin Siembieda: I picked this book up because of its cover and for the next five years I disappeared into its world of made up terms and nebulous game play. I traversed the multiverse and learned that the only reason I should ever be stuck in one world is because I find it interesting and not because it's the only place I can go. I learned that if playing a cyborg dinosaur sounds cool then I shouldn't waste my time lamenting the idea and instead should play the hell out of it.

People knock Rifts for its lack of balance and for the continuously creeping power grab that makes each new supplement more powerful than the last; but they're missing the point of Rifts. This isn't a game where everything should balance like Fourth Edition and you should always feel safe in the idea that every encounter is going to be perfect for your level. Rifts is a game where you imagine a cool idea and chase it; it rewards cleverness and ingenuity and it punishes the dull and boring. This game kicks ass.

5.) Monster Mythology by Carl Sargent: I picked this book up because I had already encountered Sargent's works and had figured out that I could trust him to put out a consistently good book. This did not disapoint me. I found more gods to populate my imaginary worlds with then I could have imagined existed in this game. It changed so much of how I thought gods should behave in my worlds and how their temples and shrines should be done. Fantastic book and I've read it from cover to cover nearly a dozen times over the years.

4.) Advanced Dungeons and Dragons Dungeon Master's Guide by Gary Gygax: This book has been one of the greatest resources I've ever read when it comes to role-playing games. Time and again I have found myself wondering how I should do something as a Dungeon Master and Gygax has given me the answer through this book. If you haven't got a copy of it I cannot recommend you getting a copy enough.

3.) Iron Kingdoms Character Guide by the Awesome People at Privateer Press: I bought this book in the spring of 2005 because I kept finding their models and thinking they were amazing. When I opened the book to the first page of text I found myself wrapped up in this world and I haven't let go of it since.

I brought Ogrun, Gobbers, and Mechs into my games. I created currency trading and brought railroads, long rifles, and globe spanning conflicts to the forefront. I have dragons that shake the world when they enter play. I have devils that do things in my games that make Carcosa seem tame.

I have read this book cover to cover a dozen times since I bought it and I love it every time.

2.) Warhammer Fantasy Role Play by Games Workshop: I picked this book up after hearing about it for nearly a year and it was everything I had hoped for. There are rules that drive me up the wall and character creation makes me want to vomit - but the world that this game inhabits captured my imagination. I bought the Gotrik and Felix novels because of this book and my mind exploded with the Konrad Saga.

I have had vivid dreams that walked beside me during my waking hours expressly because of this book and I am so thankful for it. This book makes me want to be a better Dungeon Master and it makes me want to be a better storyteller. Leafing through its pages makes me want to be a better illustrator and if you can find a book that does that for you in this day and age then god damn it, it had better be at the top of your fucking list.