Tuesday, September 10, 2013

30 Day Dungeons and Dragons Challenge, Day 10: Craziest Thing You've Ever Seen in a Game

When I first started running games of Dungeons and Dragons I held it as my mission to keep the game going. If I didn't know a rule I made it up on the spot and corrected the ruling the next session. When my players went right and killed the king rather than left and killing the dragon I just rolled with it. My goal was to never allow my players to catch me speechless; and for nearly three years I was very successful - that is until Biggboy decided that it was his job to fluster me. In the four years since he has succeeded in doing so three times.

Called Shot Mouth

Biggboy was playing an Ogrun Barbarian named Ogre. For weeks they had been exploring a series of underground cave complexes and battling their way through the underdark. On this particular night the party had encountered a rather loquacious vampire named Felix who was waxing eloquently about how he was going to grind their bones and flay their skins; that he would enslave their families and rape their pets. On and on, and on he spoke as the table grew quieter and quieter.

Then a gravely voice called out, "I'm shitting in my hand and call shoting that fucker's mouth."

After a pause as I tried to work that out he then announced, "I just natural twentied that shit. What do I roll for damage?"

I'll Let You 

Biggboy was playing a female cleric who's name escapes me, but I'll never forget what that cleric would do to win at life. On this particular occasion the party had been investigating a slaver's hold when they came across an Infernal Curator (Monsternomicon Vol 1, pg 102), a demon-devil crossbreed is the best way to describe this particular beast, that was in the middle of torturing a troll's soul from his body. Biggboy's cleric boldly strode into the room and asked the Curator if it knew the way out. The Curator atomized the troll and announced to the group that they would be next. The cleric asked if there were some other way, to which the Curator replied, "what could you offer me but your souls?"

"I'll let you cornhole me."

My Friend

We had been playing a marathon session in the Kimber City campaign, and the party had just escaped from a prison complex run by a local cult of Vecna into the city of Amber. The entire city was in ruins when they made the street. No one they encountered was alive and there was ample evidence of dark magics and chemical weapons at work in the city.

Being adventurers, they boldly avoided confronting the cause of this shit storm and instead began to explore the surrounding neighborhood looking for anything remotely shiny and valuable. It was during the course of their exploration that Baby Momma found herself confronted with a Kani Doll (Bestiary of Krynn pg. 84). The Doll, being empowered by the abundance of dark magic at work, began to warp space around the room.

Baby Momma would leave the room only to reenter it. She ran from the room and was back in the room holding the doll. She threw it down and lept through the window only to land on the bed in the Kani's outfit, still clutching the doll. For ten minutes I wound her up and thoroughly creeped her out - to the point I was actually starting to feel bad.

It was then that Biggboy entered the room. Baby Momma was whining and he asked her what was wrong. "This doll's really freaking me the fuck out." He picked up the doll and it bit him. He just laughed. It stabbed him and he laughed. It's head spun and it announced, "I'm going to devour your soul!" He just laughed and said, "You're my friend."

And I'll be damned if he wasn't right.

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