Wednesday, July 31, 2013

Musings on the Second Realms

The Bat was holding court. Around his table set the largest collection of self-centered losers that had ever been produced on the plateau. They had gathered together for a night of Dungeons and Dragons, or so they claimed. In truth most of them gathered to worship at the Bat's feet and to tell tales of their sexual conquests - which should have been impossible since all but one of them was a virgin.  

Ah, but never let the truth get in the way of a good lie . . .

I was in the back room of Elton's Lifetime Loser Lounge prepping for the night's run and trying to ignore the massive egos that were proclaiming themselves from the large group private room. They were intentionally projecting their voices so that everyone else in the Lounge would know that their game was the best, the funniest, the most creative. Only problem was they played like they were acting out a script and no matter the situation the lines never changed.

I listened as the problem of the night was laid out and recited their actions along with them. "The dragon," began the Bat in his low rumble, "has been attacking Shadowdale for a week straight. Each night he crosses the city billowing fire down on the rooftops and each dawn the city tries to rebuild. This morning the call has gone out for heroes. Who among you answers?"

I'm going to find Elminster.

Yeah, me too. 

While they're looking for Elminster I'm going to see if there are any lonely ladies looking for a shoulder to cry on.

"Aren't you a paladin who has taken a vow of chastity," the Bat asked, already knowing the answer.

Not a very good one.


I started hating the Forgotten Realms long before I actually began playing Dungeons and Dragons. Morticia and her brother, Frog, would go on for hours about their adventures in the Realms. They met Elminster and that Blackcloak fellow. They went to the Underdark and then to Myth Dranor. They did this and they fucking did that and if you didn't already know the entire story then you were a loser.

Fuck that noise.

The boys playing in the Bat's game just reinforced my notions about the Forgotten Realms, and then I started reading the Forgotten Realms Campaign Guide (FRCG) for third era Dungeons and Dragons. Why in the world presented by the FRCG do they need me? There are hundreds of high level characters running about the realms! And the way that the FRCG came across encouraged people to look to the non-player characters and to let them be the stars of the show!

My god I play the game to be the star of my own story. My fellow players are doing the same and we want to be the motivational factor of the game. We want to tell our stories, not relive someone else's glories. 

But with my current group we could play there as they either don't care about the non-player characters in the Realms or they don't know about them. So I'm going to do a little bit of investigating and see if the setting is worth playing in, if it is my next campaign will be taking place in the Forgotten Realms using the Second Edition rules set.

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