I woke up this morning to a pair of turtle doves slamming into each other on my air conditioner. At first I thought they were fighting; then one of them started screaming for the other to, "Smack my ass you bitch!" A slap followed by an orgasmic scream that echoed in my bedroom and has torn at my mind ever since followed me as I went to the bathroom to start my morning ablutions. Brush teeth, shower, and shit. It was while I was taking a dump that I heard a pair of rabbits hunched up together. Oh I didn't look, you perverts! There are some sounds that never leave you no matter how long you've been married.
Shaking my head, I walked into the living room to let the dog out only to have my son meet me on the way. So I change him and he climbs up on the sofa to watch Curious George on PBS as I let the dog out. I left the door open so that he could watch her as she rolled in the grass (something he thinks is really funny) and get onto my computer to start dealing with a couple of emails when my son gets down from the couch and runs to the door. Now I'm on twitter at this point trying to figure out if there's anything that I can say to a friend of mine who's going through a really bad time when the boy starts yelling, "No! Get off her!"
Now we have coyotes in our area so I'm thinking that my son's watching them attacking our dog and I'm running over to the door only to find a Labrador hunched up on top of our mutt. He's having a hell of a good time and my son is just distraught thinking that our dog is in trouble. It's official people. It's spring time in Dyvers.
Get ready for the stuff of nightmares.