The Hunting Party, Part 4: Recipe for Disaster



Five turns came before I was up and each brought with it the death of some nameless non-player character. Clearly we were making the most of our surprise round, and now it was time that I pushed our advantage further and permanently took the night for our side. Neverwas had already begun to rally and was making a big show of rummaging through the miniatures bin and pulling out figure after figure, lining them up alongside the battle mat. "You're up," he absently said to me, "not that it's going to do you a lot of good. Who are you attacking?"

Attacking, I innocently asked. I think you've misunderstood this situation. I moved my figure over to the doors and said, I'm talking.

That got his attention and he stopped pulling from the bin to look at me. "Talking?"

Oh yes, I said with a smile.

People, please forgive the haste with which my companions - all righteous men of faith and honor - did dispatch with these foul agents of dark powers. We were lead to this village by the hand of the One, True God to bring back the light to these blighted lands. It was He who drove our footsteps to these doors and brought recognition to our eyes of the evil that stood amongst you and plotted your downfall into the never ending abyss where the sins of your lives would tear at you for all of eternity.

"The One, True God," Neverwas said with a curious look on his face.

I tilted my head, I hear that some of you have never heard the words of Trithereon, the Blessed Light of Righteousness.

"The fuck is he talking about," Neverwas wondered aloud. "Who the fuck is Trithereon?"

I shook my head and looked at each of the Lively-Roberts Clan in turn. Kinsmen it is seems that the stain of evil has reached deep within these lands turning their hearts and minds away from our Lord. Shall I do them the courtesy or should we offer unto Him that which is His?

Looks of puzzlement met me across the table but Poot caught the look in my eye and with a wave of his hand said, "Courtesy is but part of our Lord's many virtues and far be it for a Son of Trithereon to fail to show it."

A nod of my head in thanks and then I said, Our Lord, the One, True God, Trithereon, is the hammer of righteousness wielded against the sinners and usurpers of this world and the many realms of the heavens above and hells below. It was He who told His faithful to cross the lands of man and bring to bear the fury of their Lord against the invading armies of the humanoids, demi-humans, and savage realms. And it is He who now offers all of you the chance at redemption free of your past sins if you but convert now. 

Neverwas stared at me with a slack jaw and seemed to be lost for what to say next. Too bad, I said, the evil that has choked this land is too strong for them to break. I slid a chair under the door handles to keep it from being opened. Pity us Lord, for we must put them all to the sword. 

"What?" Neverwas practically shouted.

Kill 'em all. No one lives. What came after was an orgy of blood carried out in fifteen minutes. The end result was the death of thirty-six patrons, five guests, and all ten members of the staff. When Little Boy had killed the last living soul we began the grim task of piling the bodies in the basement, looting everything, and preparing for our escape unseen by the forces of evil that so clearly surrounded us.

"Time out," Neverwas called. "I need a minute, so let's call a smoke break. Be back here in fifteen minutes."

We rose out of our chairs and managed to make our way outside where I was able to watch Neverwas call Little E and the World's Greatest Liar over. I could only guess what their animated conversation entailed, but I had no doubts that they would soon have him settled down and moving against us again. Step, I called out, can you do me a favor and go get everyone's character sheets. 

"Why," Step asked as he drew a long drag off his Camel menthol. "Something up?"

I'm not sure, but I have a feeling that we need to share notes. 

He took a look inside and nodded, "Yeah, we might just."

As Step went in I turned to everyone else, We need to come up with a game plan because I don't think he's going to let me run that far again

Little Boy laughed, "You think? Jesus Christ, I had no idea where that was going."

Never mind that right now; you guys are going to have to figure out how far you're going to go with me on this fanaticism thing so I know how far I can push Neverwas.

"You were right," Step said as he came outside with the character sheets, "they're in Little E's office trying to figure out how to get back at us for the slaughter. I heard them talking about changing all of our alignments."

"I've got that covered," the Master Planner said as he lit another filterless cigarette. "Everyone just needs to make sure that they've got Trithereon down as their god."

"Why," Icarus asked. "I usually don't pick a god."

"If we're all true believers in the faith then it was a righteous act that can't be viewed as just us killing for the fun of it."

"It's a shield," Little Boy said as he twisted his lip. "fuck why don't we do this more often?"

Because it's hard as fuck all to maintain, I said. I picked Trithereon because I knew there wasn't a lot out there about the guy and that I could mold him to our needs. He's the god of retribution and that's the side of things that I'm playing up. If he tries to call me on it I can always play us off as a splinter church. 

"You've certainly got the crazy down well enough," Poot said with a  laugh.

Had to go dark before he could. 

"Yeah, about that," Icarus said, "how far are you taking this?"

Far as we need it to go, Icarus. 

"Wish we had Biggboy with us," the Master Planner said. "We could really use one more bloody hand to keep him off his game."

Can't help that right now.

"I can push right through anything he throws at us," Step said, "but I'm worried that he's going to try and isolate us."

It's what I would do.

"So how do we keep that from happening," Little Boy asked.

"We've got to ensure that we're always paired up with the right people," the Master Planner answered. "We need to set our marching order so that Icarus is out front, Charlie's in back and Step is in the center. That way our warriors are always near wherever the fucker is going to come at us."

Look, I'm going to multi-class as a cleric when we level. Step do you want to do the same. Two cleric / fighters should be enough to keep the whole group going until we can make him let us bring Biggboy in next session. 

"I'm fine with picking up the extra class," Step said, "but if we're bringing Biggboy in next session do we really need to multi-class?"

"We can't always count on Biggboy showing up," Icarus said. 

"I keep forgetting about that," Step said as we all got quiet thinking about Biggboy. "I'll multi-class too."

"Heads up," Poot said, "Neverwas is coming."

We all turned and watched him push the glass door all the way open. "Enough smoking. Time for you guys to get back at it."

"Bet your ass," Poot said as he threw his cigarette down and led us back in.
Feeling like you're missing something?
Part 1: Careful What You Wish For
Part 4: Recipe for Disaster

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