Friday, February 14, 2014

On Those Sad, Fake, Nerd Girls

This morning I was reading a few tumblers where the authors were complaining about all of these "fake nerd girls" who have started invading our "nerd culture" and how they should all stop and fucking die.

Let me clear some things up for you kids.

I don't care if the girl who is sitting next to me at the Doctor Who premier started watching back when Patrick Troughton took over the role or when Matt Smith stepped up. I don't care if she can't tell the difference between the Peter Parker and Eddie Brock. I could care less if she knows the damage potential of a magic missile, or that it automatically hits. Fuck, I couldn't give a shit if she can't figure out that the Teen Titans in the comics aren't the same as they are on the animated show. 

What matters is that she's here now and enjoying it. 

But she's not a real nerd!


Because she came into the "culture" later than you and doesn't have a fountain of useless knowledge to fall back on? Or is it because she likes the things that your hipster ass finds lame?

No, it's because she's just using our culture to get us to fawn all over her and abuse our hearts and wallets.

What. the. fuck?

What sort of sad-sack, bullshit response is that? 

This "culture" that you're fetishizing has been maligned for decades and the whole reason why it's become popular today is because women started picking up on it and thought it was cool. They brought their non-geek husbands, children, and friends along to the movies and picked up the comics. They have brought more notoriety to our conventions as they dress up as their favorite characters; and they have breathed new life into our dying hobbies as they create brand new projects that you get to go all nerd rage about because they're out doing your favorite, trite, bullshit. 

She's doing it right.

You're doing it wrong.

But they're not real nerds!

I am utterly convinced that any woman who walks into the room and picks up a d20, or an issue of Deadpool, should be seen as a sign that the universe is not just a cruel and unforgiving mistress, but that she has a sense of humor as well. Because while you could enjoy the woman sitting on your right as she plays her Druid her own god-damned-way and develop a genuine friendship with a person who can introduce you to your soul mate (Don't be creepy; it isn't her. It's her fine friend she'll introduce you to after you prove you're not a rapist douche bag); you won't. Instead you'll sit there with your arms crossed, huffing like the ignorant jack ass you are, and loudly bray your way through the night, "She's playing it wrong! Why'd you let her play? She obviously has no idea what's going on! Fucking fake, nerd girls!"

You know what, the next time you feel like showing your ass to a lady who comes to a convention I want you raise your right hand and take a good, hard look at it instead. Look at that hand and remember that it's the only lover and friend you've got. The people you hang out with are ashamed to know someone so closed minded and as soon as they can they'll ditch you; and while it's nice of your mother to tell you that these girls just don't recognize how special you are, the truth is that they aren't lining up to date you because you're dick. 

So take a good, long look at that hand and remember that what's ruining this culture isn't the people joining it by bringing an influx of creativity and money to it, but the jackass who's got his hand raised.



  1. Haters be dumb (as the kids would say).
    Gaming and really nerdy gaming at that (LARP) had a hand in my 1st and 2nd marriage.
    Met the beast (wife one) through a person I met at an all night gaming party.
    Met the love of my wife online dating , by luck we had friends in common, it was hilariouus when I was mentioning larp to her online and she knew the name of the guy. I was shooting fight training vidoes with.
    Anyone who can't see the possibilities in "nerd girls" is beyond a nerd into dweebo, spazzy, geek.

    1. In my neck of the woods we call them dumb, sons-of-bitches.

  2. If this were Facebook, I'd be clickin' "Like" a hundred times. Well-said!

  3. I'll see your rant and raise you one.

    I've been called a 'fake nerd' now for some forty-five years; I got involved in Star Trek fandom back in the day when it was almost all wimmen, with very few guys, and I've been involved with gaming since two dweebs named Gary and Dave kit-bashed a set of medieval rules into Something Else. The 'real, true nerds' I've met over all that time have been a pretty sad and pathetic bunch of what we used to call 'puffy white-bread boys', who were - and still are, in my own experience and that of my quintuple collection of daughters - simply terrified of having to interact with some unknown species of creature which they've chosen to call 'fake nerd girls'.

    'Scuse me while I laugh, if you don't mind. As you point out, these 'fake nerd girls' - like my little brood of gaming, costuming, and larping young ladies - are the ones who, along with us older 'fake nerds', created the world that is the underpinnings of your 'nerd culture'. I've seen you lot in in the smelly flesh for quite a few years - ever been near a shower, lads? I can walk into a hotel and tell you if there's a 'nerd culture' event being held there, simply from the smell - and you 'real nerds' couldn't organize your way out of your bag of chips, let along actually create anything.

    Yes, my little lampreys, I am talking about you.

    I think it's wonderfully funny that you lot should be complaining about 'fake nerd girls' infesting your little rancid universe; it's people like me you should be worried about. We've been "abusing your hearts and wallets" for a very, very long time, fanbois, and you've never noticed it. (Hey, psst - wanna buy a new codex?)

    Hah! I love this! A great observation, sir, an very accurate. I'll take a fake nerd girl - or a convention hotel full of them, for that matter - anytime because they are generally much smarter and much better behaved (as well as bathed, the gods be praised!!!) then the 'real nerds'.


    Dealer takes two.

    - chirine

    1. I can't tell you how much I love this chirine's comment. Made my whole day it did!

  4. Yes, this has been a hot topic on Tumblr for quite a while, as most of us on there ARE geeks from various fandoms. It's most noticable online, in my experience - but it happens enough in the real world, too. I am a professional in my thirties, so I end up wearing skirt suits most of them time instead of Doctor Who t-shirts. I am also a huge, insufferable geek. Apparently in some people's eyes, the twain shall never meet. There have been gaming/comic book stores I've walked into before, and it was like a saloon in the Old West. Everyone grew silent and turned toward the stranger, eyes narrowed, d20s clutched to their chests. Or comic book stores where the clerk is very obviously watching shrieking Japanese girls getting mauled by tentacles on his computer screen. SUPER uncomfortable. Geek culture - whether it be video games, comic books, or tabletop gaming is often not a welcoming place for women, especially ones that don't fit the "stereotype." I've been asked if I'm looking for the manga section in the same breath that a clerk has lamented the fact that nobody loves him. It's like. . .listen you little shits, I've been a nerd longer than most of you have been alive, probably. Luckily, I've found shops where I feel comfortable - and while that is no doubt a concern for every gamer, I think it is particularly challenging for women.

    It seems like to that certain type of geek, every girl is either a "fake nerd girl" or too "unattractive" to consider befriending. It's a shame.

    Sorry for the rambling comment - this is just something that really grinds my gears, so to speak. Anyway, thank you for this post! Well-written, funny and spot-on.

    1. All of that and I forgot to share a link that relates to this issue:

    2. Wonderful post - thank you!!!

      I might also mention that I am married, since 1990, to a 'super-geek'; she doesn't fit any of the stereotypes, but I think her simply wonderful!


    3. And thank you for your comment Pops!

      I'll never understand why some people feel like it's okay to do that noise. Though I will say that my wife has a fantastic way of dealing with it: she punches them till they go away.

  5. As a 38 year old, happily married guy, all I can ponder is why this influx did not happen 15 years ago? All that aside Hear hear to yoru post , well put, anyone who is not a d-bag is welcome to game at my table, male, female, real or fake nerd who cares.

    1. I wish the ladies had been frequenting the comic book shop in my hometown back when I was young. It might still be there today if that had. :(

  6. Kudos my good man, kudos.

    And on this lovely Valentine's Day I want to say, nerd girl, be you newbie, veteran or just nerd-curious, I for one welcome you!

    Also, are you busy Saturday night? ;)

    1. You know, it started nice and then it got creepy when you asked me if I was busy on Saturday. ;) Seriously though, I'm with you. We should be welcoming and not assholes.

      The more people who come to the party the better it gets and all that noise.

  7. Cheers mate. This is an essential rant.

  8. I must be a fake nerd girl. I don't go to cons, LARP, or cosplay, I can barely tolerate Star Trek ToS (Voyager is, oddly enough, my fav), I'm not into Dr. Who, I'm not a big comic book fan, I haven't read Fire and Ice (yet), and the original Star Wars is my absolute favorite. The only gaming I'm remotely not terrible at--excluding board games--is Lego Indy, the original Civilization, and SimCity 2k, even though I love games like Portal and Fallout 3. Please help me, dismissive knob-end, to be a true nerd.

    Thank you for this rant! It's nice to be reminded that lots of men aren't happy with the current nerd culture. Loads of women like "nerdy" things, but not the at-times aggressively misogynistic culture. Some say the culture is changing while others disagree, but it's frustrating to find yet another aspect of the world that women are considered second rate citizens, and should only be booth girls in chain-mail bikinis (really, that's just asking for a sword through the gut). The handful of old jackasses in the SFWA really don't help it along, claiming that they're not sexist because no one complained about them 40 years ago.

    1. I think the real problem is that you have a bunch of people who have been excluded from life for as long as they can remember and they seize on this one, insignificant thing so that they can feel superior to you. And they're assholes.

      Really I guess it all comes down to the fact that they're just assholes.

  9. The question is... are those that are judging them doing so harsher than their male counterparts?
    Look, I see fans of old editions of games getting nasty with the young ones joining all the time. It is part of any subculture for those within it to work to establish a hierarchy and work to achieve and defend their place in that hierarchy-- and if those who enter it are seen as achieving a higher place in the hierarchy for merits that exist outside the understood established rules of that subculture or that they simply have no possible way to match, then I think it is perfectly understandable that they would feel devalued and hostile to such people instead of choosing to foster them. After all, if they put in a lot of time and energy, hell-- in some ways devoted their lives, to earning their stripes and now suddenly they are instantly surpassed by someone else for reasons that would have made that person equally successful in another subculture that the people of this subculture were excluded from and so created this other subculture in which they could succeed... well... it not only devalues them as individuals, but the entire subculture.

    No matter how you cut it, there are perfectly valid psychological reasons for them to not react well to it-- and it certainly isn't as simple as labeling them an "asshole" for not submitting and groveling and "knowing their place" belong the boots of others. If you sincerely seek a resolution to this issue, you need to understand and respect the emotional state of those you are criticizing and find a better way to adjust it than rude and nasty attacks.

    Should women be treated any less critically when they do things wrong than their male counterparts? If so... why? Because you see them as people to take advantage of in order to get laid? Does that make you any better than those who are overly critical of them?

    1. "If you sincerely seek a resolution to this issue, you need to understand and respect the emotional state of those you are criticizing and find a better way to adjust it than rude and nasty attacks."

      No, no I do not.

      They are myopic jerks who need to shut up and go away. I do not accept them at my game or in my life and I will not accept any reason they conjure to excuse themselves from the consequences of their actions. They deserve nothing but scorn and I refuse to find any ground on which to identify with them. And while I fully understand that there are people out there who will say that maligning them does nothing to alleviate the situation I would counter with following statement: So what?

      Oh, and before the point is brought up, I want the conflict. I want to drive them out of from life.

      I have no tolerance for these sorts.

    2. Andrew, I don't think that Charles' post inferred that these women want to be treated better than other geeks. And I agree with him. I know -I- certainly don't want to be treated better, I just want a seat at the table - and that proves difficult a lot of times just because I am a woman.

    3. Andrew, thank you for your comment - I happen to agree with you about a lot of what you said, and I have tired very hard to keep your points in mind over the past forty years; yes, it's been that long that I have been seeing this kind of behavior from far too many males at conventions - and now on the Internet.

      It has, I guess I'm trying to say, gotten old. (And the latest iteration of the on-going SFWA in-fighting has also gotten old, too.)

      I used to try very hard to understand and be patient with these kind of people; it got very hard to do, and I've finally given up. Watching my five adopted daughters suffer from this kind of thing in F/SF fandom might also have something to do with it, and why I have as little to do with 'mainstream' fandom and gaming as I can.

      Walking away from jerks like this and from their view of what their fannish world should be like hasn't done me any harm, from what I can tell. If anything, it's made my life richer and more nuanced through being around the other half of the human species...


  10. what a pathetic post, you sound like a desperate mangina hoping one of these girls will sleep with you. "yay, finally there are girls here" but i have news for you, they have the same attitude that "Chirine ba Kal" has & think of you like he does. so no matter how much you white knight for them they won't sleep with you.


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