I Hear You Say that Playing a Cleric is Boring . . .

There's something so dissatisfying about playing a cleric like everyone else expects you to play one. I mean sure, I could play the damned thing like a walking medic who's only concern is making sure that your every little boo boo is kissed and that you never have to suffer under the slings and arrows of life's cruelties; but why would I? So you can have all the fun and I can sit behind you twiddling my thumbs waiting for my next chance to heal you? 


Fuck that noise. 

If I'm going to be playing a cleric than I'm going to make damned well and sure to enjoy the experience. So that means that your walking Band-aid factory has just closed down because I'm not wasting my time playing a cleric of Pelor. I am the walking embodiment of Trithereon on this game's world and if you think for one second that healing your bleeding ass comes ahead of the boot I'm about to put in that giant's grill you've got another thing coming. See when I play a cleric of Trithereon I play a fundamentalist Trithereonite. That means that this warm and fuzzy bullshit you've been reading in those reformists pamphlets about liberty, and individuality is nothing more than a fart in the wind as far as I'm concerned. 

I believe in that old school, death from the sky, kill all your family and make you watch retribution that all the kids these days want to sweep under the table so that it doesn't scare away those delicate flowers they want to bring in to my faith. So no, I'm not going to heal your dumb ass just because you got caught on that spike trap and lost your good eye. I'm going to find the mother fucker who made it and wear him as my new winter coat. That's how I have fun playing a cleric: by making him the scariest mother fucker in the game.

Comments

  1. I would like a subscription to The Trithereonite.

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    1. Give me a minute and I'll see what I can find for you. I'm sure I've got a pamphlet around here somewhere . . .

      Delete
  2. I hear you, I named Alesmiter for my dwarven cleric of Hanseath, god of bar fights. He hung around with a couple of berserkers and usually charged into combat before they did. Every tavern a temple waiting to be blessed.

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    1. I bet he was a fun character to play!

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  3. Totally agree with you Charles.

    I think the cleric is the class played in the most stereotypical of all.
    Almost all of the players turns this character into an ambulance traveling only dedicated to the care of his fellow nerds and the rest of the time remaining in a limbo of almost uselessness.

    Beyond extremism as you well described, there are also many aspects that are often underestimated. A cleric follow religious "commandments", has some specific beliefs, rituals, prayers and devotion, there may be higher or ecclesiastical system in which having to account, deity to be met, and who knows how many other things I could list... but actually in the game are "exploited" these opportunities for interaction or interpretation?

    They make me laugh a lot of those players who always try to create characters extremely extravagant, with thousands of features, powers or limitations even when the character that on paper may seem trivial, if played well, can be the most special of all.

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    1. "if played well, can be the most special of all."

      Absolutely!

      Delete
  4. I don't know why anyone ever thought clerics were boring.
    Who's the dude that can ruin the day for a mob of undead?
    Who's the dude that can exorcise demons?
    Who's the dude that has an entire (potentially multinational) organization to call on for assistance ?
    Who's job is it to actually protect humanity from supernatural hoprror?

    THE CLERIC

    Clerics aren't just magic-users with a doctors bag. As we used to say in a pseudo-egyptian campaign where 3 of us were clerics: "Back off man, we're on a mission for Geb"

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    1. "I don't know why anyone ever thought clerics were boring."

      It's the same people who talk about wizards only having a five minute work day. You know, lame, unimaginative nerds.

      "Clerics aren't just magic-users with a doctors bag. As we used to say in a pseudo-egyptian campaign where 3 of us were clerics: "Back off man, we're on a mission for Geb""

      Hell yes!

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  5. I am suddenly reminded of my CE Kender cleric of Loki. He was spastic but driven and smiling cruel. He never once cast cure light wounds. Fun character and a viscous little shit to boot.

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    1. Kender are basically permanent children... children can be real assholes. It made sense to me.

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  6. I played a bugbear war priest many, many years ago. His healing skills were minimal, and his idea of worship was bathing in the blood of his enemies.

    "Did you contribute to the death of our enemies in any meaningful way? No? Because you were busy futzing about with spells that you were using to keep from getting hurt. And they didn't even work. I guess you're getting screwed twice this go round, eh?"

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  7. In an old 2e game using the Priest splatbook, the necromantic priest was so scary and threatening my thief and the 3-4 other PCs ganged up to take him down. The player had gotten into it so much he didn't think raising everything he killed and surrounding himself with undead would freak us out as much as it did, and was totally shocked by our treachery.

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    1. Hahahahahahhahhhahahahahahaha!

      That is the best story I've read all day!

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  8. Even now, Sithrak Oils the Spit: http://oglaf.com/sithrak/

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    1. Did you read the one where the cleric died and actually met Sithrak? That shit was hilarious!

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