Thursday, January 1, 2015

I Nearly Died on Christmas Eve [A Slightly Gross but Not Overly So Tale]

I woke up Christmas Eve with a slightly nauseous stomach and a headache. Neither of these things are all that unusual for me so I didn't really pay them much mind; but as the day progressed so did the severity of each. Then around four in the afternoon my stomach decided that it was going to begin forcing everything out of my bowls.  

No big deal, right? 

Well at five I started throwing up and within two hours I was completely dehydrated and shivering so badly that I couldn't stand. By the end of the next hour I had passed out in the bathroom and would only wake up when I needed to begin expelling what I can only believe was the aftereffects of demonic possession as I made the little girl from the exorcist look like a how-to tape. An hour later I was in the bed trembling and trying to gasp out what I was sure would be my last breaths before I passed out once again. By midnight my stomach, back, and calves were knotting up with cramps as I continued to dry heave. I could barely open my eyes but thankfully I was only dry heaving as the diarrhea had passed.

At four in the morning I finally stopped dry heaving and was able to lay down for longer than twenty minutes. It would take me three more days before I was able to actually eat anything more substantial than saltine crackers, toast, and Gatorade. I'm fine now, but I'm fairly convinced that since I haven't been shot at in six years or had a knife pulled on me in four that my body has just decided that I need to experience at least one near death situation every year.  

So how was your Christmas?


  1. Holy heck, mine was much better than yours. It's good that you're on the mend now.

    1. I'm glad yours was better!

      We've had a major stomach flu that's been crossing the area this December and apparently I got it with a vengeance. All better now though!

  2. Damn glad you're feeling better.. stomach bugs can be disgusting , back in the 90's I lost three days to one.. like I can't even remember those days at all... Now I have alot of those kind of blank spots form then 90's but the throwing up one was by far the least pleasant.. Again have a great new year and glad to see you up an mobile.

  3. Glad to hear you recovered. Dehydration is no joke.

    This flu season has been brutal this year. My family also got the beat down over the holidays. My father, who is quite elderly, had to go to the hospital because flu + very old man = bad things. Thankfully, he and most of the rest of my family is recovering.

    Thankfully, even though my wife and I were both put down for a couple days, it appears the kids have escaped unscathed. A few more days and we'll know for sure that we don't need to worry about infants with the flu.


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