Monday, December 16, 2013

If You're Going to Be Evil Part 2

Just a quick note, I changed the name Momma's Boy to Little Boy as it fit better with the person I'm talking about. Sorry for the confusion -- Charlie

After the last townsman had been dropped we set about looting and burning the town to the ground. Unfortunately for me and Biggboy; Pony Tail, Thief 1 and Thief 2 had decided to set all the buildings ablaze at the same time. So as the buildings are burning around us we're still looting the town hall. Imagine our surprise when we stepped out the front doors. 

Once Biggboy and I realized our predicament we set about alerting the others. Neverwas had his new character, a Paladin of Hextor, and was already shouting orders from his headless corpse as I had tested my new axe on his nice, shiny helmet. It really was a great axe. 

The fires were rising faster than we could ever hope to escape and Little Boy was gloating about how it'd be a cold day in hell before we escaped. It should have ended there but I wasn't ready to go home. So I tied one end of the two hundred feet of silk rope we had absconded with from the shop about Thief 1, while the other end was tied to Biggboy. "Why are you tying that rope about me?" Thief 1 asked in that timid voice he had. 

"Heh. Nothing," said Biggboy as he threw Thief 1 down the well. 

It turns out that "bottomless pit" is a meaningless term in that burning village as the Druid struck the ground a solid ninety feet in. We made our way down the rope, one by one, until we had all reached the bottom. Then Biggboy climbed down the well as I made my way along a winding passageway on the right. The air, I was told, was sweet and cool.

Pony Tail, I called out, take point and try not to get us all killed.

"Will do."

We wound our way down the passageway for half an hour with nothing happening beyond me getting bored, and Biggboy smoking through half a pack of cigarettes. Poot was getting antsy as Pony Tail kept pausing to check the way. Not once did he set off a trap, but then again not once did he find one. "This is too fucking simple," Poot whispered in my ear, "you know that Little Boy has something up his sleeve."

No, I whispered, he's out of his depth. He expected everyone to play like they normally do when they play good. He didn't expect us to go off script.

"I've found a door," said Pony Tail. 

Did you check it for traps?


Don't you think you better do that then. 

"Oh, right."

Yes, yes, of course it was trapped. And guess who didn't buy or even fucking steal himself a set of thieves tools? Did you guess Pony Tail?

You're right, you know.

Little Boy was positively jubilant as he clapped his hands together and asked, "Then how do you expect to disarm the trap?" I was indignant that the only fucking thief in the party had forgotten to bring his damned tools of the trade to the game; but I was more annoyed that Little Boy figured he had us dead to rights. So I whispered in Pony Tail's ear, Use your dagger and ask to make an improvised check at a -2 penalty

"Is that legit?""

Hell if I know, but I'm betting that he doesn't know either.

The door was disarmed and we moved into a room that had artificial daylight coming in from the ceiling, a chorus of angelic voices singing all around us and a beautiful fountain. I busied myself trying to determine the religious order that had built this obscene relic, while Poot pissed in the fountain, and Biggboy looted Neverwas' cleric.

I had been making my way around the room, from the far left to the right, when I found a secret passage. A secret fucking passage that our elvish thief had missed repeatedly. Pony tail, come check out this secret door I found.

He meandered over to the door and began fumbling about as I stood there waiting to go in. Finally he announced that it wasn't trapped. I pressed the secret release and was given an acid shower for my troubles. I said a little prayer to return my damaged person back to its former glory and rounded on our illustrious thief. What the fuck was that?

"I guess I missed that one," he said with a sheepish grin and a shrug of his shoulders. 

Don't make this a habit. 

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